Goodness!!!

No, not an expression, but a noun! There is SO MUCH GOOD-NESS going around, that it's exciting and has me a wee bit giddy!

Baby J should make his appearance this week, and I'm praying for mama, daddy, baby, for all to be healthy and see love in the best way! Hope I can meet the little guy at Thanksgiving!

Amberlyn is doing well! She got her chest tubes out and is in recovery from her double lung transplant (AMEN!)

God took my mom's Aunt Beth home yesterday morning, so please pray for my Grandmother, as she has the burden of seeing things through, and has worries and uncertainties in front of her. She's doing so well, so I know the prayers ahead of time were perfect!

I spent my weekend in the DFW area, spending some good quality time with my parents. It's nice to do that sometimes! Dad washed my car, put air in the tires, checked the oil, looked underneath, diagnosing where the hole is in the muffler/tail pipe (my maintenance guy at my apt and stopped and told me he was hearing it... AMEN!) As I was watching him show his love language (Acts of Service - from The Five Love Languages), I kept referring to my car as "Betsy", so "Betsy" she is... no earthly clue where this came from... but now it's me and Betsy...

The other part of my weekend was at the SoZo Global National Launch. The people I had the opportunity to meet are just incredible! One guy used to be the CEO of Comcast, and is now spearheading the Social Networking aspect of the business, another just sold his multi-million dollar marketing company to be a part of SoZo as the head of Marketing, and the president of SoZo was Earnst & Young's 2008 Entrepreneur of the Year. Clearly, I am surrounding myself with people with proven potential. I can't wait to see how well this business grows this year! Let me know if you are interested in the product... our latest report shows we have over 2o servings of fruits and veggies in one 3 oz. serving! Not to mention all the health benefits that come with it!

My other opportunity, viva chocolato, is getting up off the ground! lots of opportunities for corporate gifts, wedding favors, event catering, teacher gifts, party trays, gift baskets, etc. all of taht can be done and personalized! To see what ideas we are coming up with is so exciting and I am LOVING that creative outlet! I never would have thought I would be so blessed to have people truly value my opinion and see it bring profit! I've also learned that Viva is a storefront for Charity. After costs are covered, the store is designed to feed local charities with funding. There are over 70 local charities that benefitted from donations thru Viva Chocolato last year. How cool is THAT??? God is putting me to work for His glory! That feels AMAZING!!!

Viva is about to get a whole new look on the website that will drop sometime this week, hopefully. We will be adding more options and pricing for our party favors, treats, and gifts. I'm also handling all aspects of the social networking side for Viva Chocolato. This job was made for me!

See what I mean about GOOD-NESS??? Babies, Health, Heaven, Peace, Chocolate, SoZo, Viva Chocolato, Charity, Blessings... it's all GOOD!

I got a gig...

So I know you guys have heard me or seen me post about employment prospects and such, and it's way more than I can post on a status update or twitter tweet, so I'll explain it all here... hope it makes sense to you guys, b/c it works for me!

I've been volunteering this summer for a non-profit called "ParentRise", which is a resource and minstry for Single Parents. Through this incredible group of women on the Board, I was blessed to be connected to Melissa Adams and her husband, Mark. They are owners of a high end European Chocolate and Gelato shop called Viva Chocolato. During my job hunt, the board president mentions that Viva is looking for an Asst. Mgr. for the store, and that I should call. It wasn't really what I was looking for, but I figured, eh, it was something, and I loved the ppl and the product, so it could do until something more permanent came along. I have a meeting with the mgr and find out that they have already just hired someone for the Asst. Mgr. BUT... there was an email from a prayer team member detailing what she had just prayed for, as the store has been struggling a bit, and they were praying for ways to increase the revenue. This woman detailed out a position for an outside sales rep... just so happens my background is in sales...
So there's job #1... i'm working with the mgmt team to bring in business to the store via event planners, special orders, online orders, social media, and other special store events.

Knowing that the Viva thing wasn't going to be part time, Mark and Melissa have a business partner, John, who is an entrepreneur that invests in 7 different business ventures. One of his ventures will roll out Nov. 7th in Dallas and that is SoZo. I'm now his part time to full time Office and Pipeline manager. I handle all the in-house business, and he is out recruiting and meeting clients. I will also have presentations to organize and lead, as well as general customer service duties. This is hourly with insurance after 90 days plus a monthly bonus.

I'm still on unemployment until this gets up off the ground, so I am ready for it to take off!!!

I'm sure some of this stuff will change, expand, define itself, but it's my starting place and it's mine. This is what I have been praying for and I know with out any doubt at all that this is tailor made especially for me! Thank you, Jesus!

Oh, and I started a new small group tonight, so I'm excited to dive back in to exploring the religious depths again. I needed a jump start, and I believe I've got it!

*please keep amberlyn in your prayers! she was moved up to #1 on the national transplant list today, so pray her lungs come soon! she's still sedated and intubated. Most likely she will stay that way until her transplant.

*also, there's a few people I love that have lost loved ones this week, so lift them up, too!

Thanks for reading!

Sunday Meh-day

Here's my data dump - free-my-mind style

1. I really pray that Amberlyn gets her new lungs soon!

2. I really pray, too, that God takes Aunt Beth sooner than later. No need to delay the inevitable... (no, not being cruel, she's almost 90, has had a severe stroke, and has an internal infection... hospice has been called in)

3. The pregnancy storyline on Glee is LAME! I am getting disappointed with the story... the music, however, still ROCKS!

4. I still love Blue October... I will see them 2 times in November... hurry up already, October! Get on outta here!

5. I will be away from home for the next 3 weekends... Houston, Houston, DFW...

~ Sister's B-day celebration, Meaux-de-gras style, WOOT!

~ High School Football game and band nerd reunion... same day as the 10 yr anniv. of my grandfather's passing...trying to make it a happy day!

~ National roll out for SoZo (the new product I'm pimping for my boss... yes... new job! double WOOT WOOT!)

6. I REALLY want the new power cord I ordered for one of my external hard drives to come in... I have a TON of tunes on there and I want to get it ALL organized... 100% (not to mention the pics...)

7. I am going to love working from home so much... tons of PERKS!

~ Bella time... more time with the pup is always awesome!

~ the dress code is AWESOME!

~ the commute is even more AWESOME!

~ I will be able to write off a portion of my rent, internet, home phone, and cell on my taxes, not to mention other outside reimbursements... (food, gas, product, etc)

8. I can't wait to get started on the Viva Chocolato job... I'll be doing outside sales, trying to set up parties, cater weddings, corporate gifts, gift baskets, etc for high end European truffles (If you are interested lemme know! or connect me to event planners! Christmas is right around the corner!)

9. I'm super content right now with how my life is shaping up.

10. I'm becoming more crafty and have picked out a design for my home made Christmas cards... I'll make a test card this week to check out the process and see what I wanna change... (found it on the Archivers website)

11. I twitter a LOT... I make no apologies for it. I have fun interacting with ppl, and most days that and facebook are the only times I get to "talk" to people outside of work... As the work increases, the usage will prob go down.

12. I'm still praying for Amberlyn. Please don't forget about her. She's 20 yrs old with Cystic Fibrosis. She needs a double lung transplant NOW!

13. I've sent emails to a few people on facebook and have gotten no response. One was to the pastor who baptized me as a child. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does.

14. The other email was to my roommate from college who basically ignored me, talked behind my back, and turned up her nose to me. I don't even like her. I just wanted to reach out to her and say hello. This shouldn't bother me either, but it does.

15. I ignored phone calls from a guy who had asked me to dinner. He seemed nice enough, but (and there's always a "but" these days) He had asked me what I was looking for (relationship, one date, one night stand, fling, etc...) and I responded "relationship" and my reasons why, one of them being I wasn't looking for any sort of physical intimacy, the next question out of his mouth had to do with favorite positions. GAH! the one after that was about my preferred night time attire, and the one after that was about sleepovers and my ideas about cuddling... but he's not looking for that... he was just curious... YEAH, um... LIAR! this is why I don't date, or have relationships... even the innocent ones are guilty. Oh, and have I mentioned that I don't really trust men? Yeah, there's that, too... but men like the one above just reinforce my walls even more... I just want a guy to want to be around me for me... not for what they think they're gonna get... (rant over, sorry... my mind was full of these thoughts!) Point being, I set the date and never cancelled. Nor did I pick up the phone and tell him no. I just hit the ignore button on my phone. Seemed to be wasting time even calling him back.

16. There are lots of babies about to be born. October, November, December, January, February, March, April... and those are the ones I know of... I can't wait to meet all of these little blessings and pray for all of them to have safe arrivals.

17. trying to plan a menu sucks, but I need one.

18. trying to plan a "schedule" sucks even worse, but I have to limit my time with Bejeweled.

19. I'm addicted to the new version of Bejeweled Blitz... I want to be number one and I hate when I move down a spot... I want the expert level!

20. Finally, if you haven't seen Modern Family this season, you are missing out! Go watch the first episode, and the most recent one... I think they are the funniest.

That's all for now... I'll try to be more introspective and thought provoking next time... This is how my mind's running around here lately... hoping that by taking the SoZo each day that my mental acuity comes in to place, as it should, so that I can stay focused and work with more determination and purpose.

Hope each of you are having a fabulous day!

(oh and if you're reading, just comment with a "Hey" so I know who you are... I'm just curious... thanks!)

XOXO

C

And then I was still...

I have been busier than I realized, and only realized it when I sat still this week. It hit me Monday as I opened my eyes "I have nowhere to go and nothing I have to do"... there was a time that this would excite me, but right now, I WANT to be busy... I WANT to have important things to do, (in my best Bridget jones voice)... because I am a very important person! HA!

All jokes aside, I have had a beautifully awesome few weeks! I have been busy with ParentRise, as well as getting geared up, jotting down ideas and avenues for my job that I'll have part time working with Viva Chocolato, and attending meetings and learning about SoZo, which I will be working for one of the founding distributors, helping him manage his downline, events planning, office manager, etc. The biggest perk in all of this is that I get to do most of this work from home! I know Bella will be happy I don't have to leave every morning, and I will make my schedule work for me, and I'll be saving on gas money!

I also got to head up to Denver to visit my sweet friends, D'Anne, Toby, & their 3 yr old, Tater Tot...

We had the best time just being around each other, with no major plans. We did go by the Columbine Memeorial, which was just beautiful. I never did ask about Columbine, as I always thought of it as just something to remember, not glorify as a tourist destination. D asked if I wanted to see it, and I said sure, we could drive by... so we went up and saw the memorial. It's hard to explain the design but the gist of it is that it's an outer circle and an inner circle. The outer circle includes quotes from surviors, students, teachers, parents, the President (Clinton), etc. Each one of them made me breathe a little deeper and have some sense of shock and sorrow. but most of all, the love of God, and appreciation of Him showing up that day was outstanding. In case you don't remember, there were students shot and killed for admitting to the boys doing the attack that they were Christians and they loved God. Here are a few of the quotes:

"I would be misleading you if I said I understand this. I don't" (student)

"It brought the nation to its knees, but now that we've gotten back up how have things changed; what have we learned?" (unknown)

"He was a 4.0 student before he was shot and paralyzed and he remained a 4.0 student after. And (but remember) this was a kid who had to re-learn to read and write (before he could graduate)." (injured victim's family)

"I didn't have any answers." (student)

"I'm trying to raise my kids normal, even though I'm not normal anymore." (parent)

"Columbine was a momentus event in the history of the country...Even in the midst of tragedy we've seen the best, the best there is to see about our nation and about human nature." (President Bill Clinton - at groundbreaking)

"Nobody ever trained for this. We were just teachers doing what we did every day." (faculty)

"Those of us who are people of faith in this community turned to God, found he was there and found he wasn't silent." (unknown)

A kid my age isn't supposed to go to that many funerals." (student)

And that's just a sample of what was on the outer walls. The inner circle had 13 sections. One for each deceased victim to tell who they were, and what they stood for. I was beautiful and moved me to tears. When we were done reading and reflecting, we moved over to the fountain, sat on the edge and just said a quick prayer for the families and friends affected directly by this pain and that God's grace and continued love would continue to pour over them and heal their wounded spirits.

If you ever make it up to Littleton, CO, I recommend that you check out the Columbine Memorial. Not so much as a tourist destination, but as a place to reflect on the way life changed that day and to remember those that were taken as angels. They stood up for God that day, and he rewarded their souls by taking them to Heaven.

The rest of the Colorado trip was fun. We drove thru Golden and saw the Colorado School of Mines, which my dad attended, as well as drove by the Coors Brewery. It was such a cute little town! I'd love to go back and spend some time there at a B&B some day. We packed some boxes, listened to music, sat on the patio, played with some precious kiddoes, and even had a birthday party at Build-A-Bear... remind me to never think that it's a good idea for the future... too chaotic for my taste... I'm a control nut ;)

After returning home, I had 3 days of 'rest', ish... and then it was time for ACL Fest... that's a whole other blog on it's own... I'll start working and reflecting on that soon!

FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL

YES PLEASE!

This time of year brings back such great memories!!! And I don't think this year will let me down!

For the first time in over a decade Baylor is getting some good press... I kinda dig it... Call me sentimental, but that used to be my team, so I feel that I need to root for them, and there's something about rooting for the underdog... ESPECIALLY when things go their way! They deserve some good stuff!

UT is slated to continue the kick-butt fanfare, and it's always fun to root for a winning team, so I definitely want to see them succeed. Plus Colt is up for the Heisman, and I think it's his year... praying the boys stay safe and play hard... but most of all, Stay Classy and Sober (why this is such a hard thing for these boys is beyond me...) Kudos up to Mac Brown... I'm a fan...

I do need, however, an NFL team to root for... right now I'm just watching it and want a good game, played honestly and clean, but gimme some excitement... The bonus here is that John Madden and his biased opinions are not screaming at me this year... I appreciate his dedication to the sport and all, but I'm just not a fan of his commentator skills...

Also, I have submitted my profile to work on the set of Friday Night Lights... I've never seen the show, until this morning, I watched the pilot and actually got a little teary eyed...the movie rocks, and so far I'm impressed... I suppose I'll have to find someone with seasons 1 and 2 so I can watch before going to watch season 3, in preparation for 4... I hope I can fill a roll of atleast an extra here and there...

And coming up at the end of October, there has been a little High School Band Geek reunion... I cannot WAIT! I haven't been to one of my high school football games since my sister was in school, and even then, I'm sure I didn't make but one or two... there are a bunch of us band nerds getting together and I'm sure it'll be a BLAST! It's also the day of my grandfather's passing (10 yrs) so it'll be great to be there and do something happy!

Seems like I've got a lot of yelling at the TV coming my way! Here's hoping the refs make all the right calls and the players stay healthy and well!

Happy football season, Folks!

New Look, New Season, New Attitude

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I've been absent a bit here this year... Had to get things back on track and find my perspective again...

So here I am, ready for all the possibilities that lie ahead... and the good news is that I'm that much closer to the next blessing and good thing that will happen, and I don't doubt for a second that it will! and SOON!

I've been applying for jobs left and right, praying for the right one, and I'm even getting excited about a couple of them...

One is for a local pizza chain based in Austin as their "Administrative Super Hero" (as was the title in their Craigslist Ad, and the other is for a private university as an admin. coordinator. I would do well at either one, and only have seen the money on one, not the other, and I just have to believe that if it's the right place for me, then God will see it through!

That being said, I do have an irritant in my life... the state unemployment practices... esp. filing an extension... did you know you have to hit zero benefits before you can request the paperwork to apply for the extension? This means lapse in payment... this means no money for the non-money maker... ergo bills will not get paid if they don't get on it pronto! (slightly annoyed...grrrr)

But there are good things going on, indeed! Bonus of this time off, I've fallen in love even more with my sweet girl, Bella! She's my little cuddle muffin and she's made this so much easier to do! Lonliness is rare with her snoring and kisses always near by! Also, I've enjoyed finding some "freebie" blogs, and learned how to shop at Staples using their Easy Rebates (those things ROCK, if you don't know!), but I still can't get there soon enough to snag the label maker before they're all gone... dangit! But I've also been able to help out a friend or two by babysitting some of the cutest boys around, and I've rediscovered my love for being around children, which also makes the desire to be a mom even more evident in my own life.

I've also learned a rough lesson about God's will and Free will... knowing that I can pray to be alerted to what God sees fit to lead me to, but just because I'm focused on such does not mean that those around me will be focused on His will... If their will is not God centered, His will can be missed and ignored... thus meaning the end result will not benefit anyone. I had never ever considered that point of view before, but the more I prayed on it and thought it out, the more I realized it was true!

So in my time off, I've gone backwards on my lifestyle change, ie fitness and diet... those pesky pounds I took off have all but come back and attached themselves to me like a bad cough! So I'm gearing up to give it another go, and my hope is to be more than 20 lbs. down by Christmastime. I cannot wait to get back on a full time regular schedule! That is the biggest downfall of unemployment! Having to fill my days... I'm more than grateful for the sleep I have discovered and the love of my soft sheets, and the foot warmer that buries herself in them nightly... but as others are going back to school tomorrow, I'm a tad bit jealous of the fact that their days are planned, their minds are challenged and they will be surrounded by other intriguing people and live on a schedule!

So tonight as I lay my head down (which will be soon, as I'm hitting up the gym at 6:30 am! YIKES!), I'll be praying for my job, my schedule, my determination and motivation!

Mom will be here in a month! I'm making my cleaning schedule this week, and planning our activities and menu... oh, and this week I'm gonna try a new recipe that JennAnn blogged about... *HERE* sounds DEEE-LISH!

Sorry for the mind-dump and scattered post... lots going on in my unscheduled world...

today he would have been 73...

and it's so unfair that he didn't get this far...

people say it gets easier with time...

I say people are wrong... it's been almost 10 yrs and I feel like I was cheated out of the best years of his life... granted, he's spending them with our Saviour, but the greedy part of me wants him HERE! NOW! I want him to hold my hand, to tell me that I'm good enough, and always have been in his eyes... to tell me that his love is enough...

I always knew it was...

yet here it is, 3:22 am and I'm being selfish, emotional, and sappy, wishing we could laugh at one more joke and love each other enough to never have to say good bye...

the night before he passed, I went to bed and the last words we said to one another was "I love you"... for some people that would be more than enough, and don't get me wrong, I will always feel like I won the lottery with that, but it's still not enough...

My paw paw was my world... my best friend and the one man I knew I could never ever doubt his love for me... he was my hero...

Tonight, nearly 10 yrs after his leaving this earth, I value his existance more and miss him more and more... I just want to be by his side and hear the dumbest joke he's ever told... no matter how tacky and inappropriate it may be... I would laugh like I've never laugh and hugh his neck that much tighter...

I miss my paw paw... my buddy...

my number one...

the one man who got me, as me, my soul, my heart, my love...

MOST.. the movie

I learned something about myself this weekend...

I'm the girl who fast forwards thru that part in Top Gun when Goose dies in the ocean... I'm the girl who fast forwards that part in "What Lies Beneath" when the lady comes up from the bathtub, gasping for air... I often change the topic when the conversation gets uncomfortable... there I said it... UNCOMFORTABLE...

I hinted at it in my last post, but I HATE, IGNORE, AVOID uncomfortable... but I know there's a lot to be learned from being uncomfortable... decisions can be made, life altering blessings can be seen, experience happens, chance at happiness happens, change for the better happens, love happens...

So I went to church yesterday, knowing that we were going to start off with a movie clip with some speaking and worship music after... it's different, but I love my church, and they have driven me to think deeper before, so I knew it would be good... Now I'm telling you that I got the point of the movie, and it really was superb. Honest! Beautiful on a million levels... the love between a father and a son, the likeness to God's love for Jesus and ultimately us, as His children, the sacrifices a parent makes for love, for humanity, for life... the way that God feels joy, love, and happiness when we overcome the things that haunt us and keep us from being the person He wants us to be... beautiful and moving!

But as I was watching it, I had this huge feeling of fear. I was clearly uncomfortable... I kept glancing away from the screen, my heart sped up a bit more than usual. I knew something was going to happen, but what and to whom? I had a feeling I knew who it was going to be, but hurried breath after hurried breath, I wanted to run away from the train track... Show me the train platform... show the loved ones saying good bye or hello... show me the wind created by the speeding train, the steam passing thru the forrest. But don't show me what I think is going to happen, or if you do, show it to me fast so I can get past the uncomfortable...

I live this way so much of the time... turning away from the uncomfortable... I'm trying to look towards it, but it keeps me where I am so often, many times because I'm afraid of what I will discover, or won't discover. I try to psych myself up for new experiences and good life choices. but no breakthru or sudden change is going to happen today... I'm just telling you that I've recognized the pattern... I'm not proud of it, but I really don't know how to tell myself to get past it...

So if I cancel a meeting with you at some where I've never been, or fast forward thru a pivotal part of a film, or go the long way b/c it's what I know and it's in a better part of town, know that it's just who I am... part of my quirky self. I'd like to be more daring, but I'm just not.

How have you overcome uncomfortable? I know we've all been there a time or two...

oh and here's a clip of "MOST"... it's moving and thought provoking, for sure!
(i can't get it embed, so you get the link...)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N0pRWWfKKw

Today's the same as yesterday...

I promise this is not a complaint or a gripe or a sob story, it's just fact...

but I'm in a pickle... (hmmm pickle sounds good... I think I have some in the fridge... )

so I have been invited to go sing karaoke tonight, which would be a blast... I'm just not in the mood for new places and people... I'm more in the mood for a dark movie theater and some buttery popcorn :)

edit* I just told her that I wasn't feeling it tonight... I'll see her next weekend for sure! :)

I like my honkytonks and South Austin bubble... it's where I feel comfortable... I think if Stacy London and Clinton Kelly were to critique my life like they critique wardrobes, they would laugh and yell that comfort's over rated and it's what got me to where I am today... I need to expand my activities and look outside of my proverbial life box... my show would be called "how not to live".. not saying my life is bad by any means, but my self-imposed rules and guidelines have put me in to a little box that I don't dare go outside of unless I have someone to do it with me...

Another option tonight is that there's a show in Gruene Hall that a year ago I wouldn't be missing for the world... I love the artist (Adam Hood), and I'd love to see the people that are going to be attending, but for some reason I'm just not feeling it... I'm just not feeling a lot of much lately... I'm just "eh"... not mad, not sad, not angry, not hurt, not happy, not excitable, not inspired, not anything, just "eh"...

I know I should pray more, and I'm going to make a conscious effort to do so... maybe I should look for a Bible study I can do on my own, just for some self exploration that will lead to discovery and the opportunity for betterment... there's a thought... hmmmm...

I'm currently organizing a benefit for a friend of mine, http://www.mybreathoflife.org/, and it's happening the first week of May. I am blessed and honored to be a part of it and I pray we can make a dent in the medical expenses that will definitely be a part of her aftercare, after her double lung transplant 9if you would like to donate, the link should be up soon on the website, or you can contact me and I will get you directed to the right place for it!)

Also, the singles ministry at chruch is growing and the activities are coming together! I'm blessed to be led to organize this, as well. A week from today I will be taking part in the Mighty Texas Dog Walk. I figured if I pay for it, I will go and I think it's going to be a lot of fun. Plus I have a few people that have registered to attend, as well. I'm hoping a large group from church will be interested and want to go...

I've kinda stepped back from the healthy eating, calorie counting, and fitness routine thing... it's really hard to keep up with no schedule... maybe getting my apartment in order will lead me to get back on track with that stuff...

I'm having my carpets steam cleaned on the 23rd, so I'm hoping to get all of my apartment organized and spit spot clean! Ultimately I would like to get my curtains hung up and looking pretty!

oh and... so far this week I've watched Twilight 3 times... I'm in love with a fictional character... I swear! Or maybe it's just remembering the butterflies... butterflies are good... even better when they're real...

Oh and my sister's walking the Avon Walk for the Cure today in Houston... she should just be finishing up her 26.4 miles for the day and she has another 13 tomorrow... I'm beyond proud of her! She continues to inspire and amaze me with her strength and determination... now i just need to inspire myself ;)

Filter ON!

Suffice to say I just haven't posted anything in a long while... and while I would love to ... wait no, I would NOT love to recap my year thus far, as it's been anything but fantastic, I will give you a couple of the most prominent low-lights... as if I was gettin' my hair did... but it didn't turn out so pretty...

It all started on my birthday, Dec. 30th...

My friendships began to unravel and have now hit the end... a couple of them... one circle, 2 friends, score = 0, b/c I don't think anyone wins here... and it's petty and rediculous... I wouldn't ever tolerate a man talking to me, accusing me, or insulting me the way I felt I was treated, so it's easier for me to let it go... I wish them well, but c'est la vie et bonne chance. Most of all, Au Revoir.

the other stellar part of my year *note sarcasm* was that I got laid off over a month ago. It took around 6 weeks for my first unemployment payment to come in, and I won't even tell you how incredibly rediculous THAT whole process is...

The good things that have happened is that I have been given the opportunity to focus on God more and have started up a Singles minstry group at my church... our first lunch we had 12 ppl show up and have atleast 20 who are interested... I call that success.

Also, I have a friend who has cystic fibrosis. She is Number 5 on the lung transplant list... I am in charge of organizing a benefit for her on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th, for those that are challenged in Espanol)... Say your prayers this all comes together as it should and that we can raise enough money to help cover a portion of her after surgery costs... our goal is $5000. i will be posting details and website stuff when it's ready to go.

The job hunt is boring and completely sucks. I'm not gonna lie. I hate seeing jobs that I am qualified for offering less than half of what I was making previously. That is where things get a little discouraging. I am praying earnestly and steadfastly and trying to stay positive, but I have to be honest and say that my optimism is waning... I find my heart palpitating and this fear is creeping in, as the last time I did this I ended up in a self-enduced depression which went untreated and I became someone I no longer recognize and never want to be again.

So I keep praying that God's plan for me is shown soon, and my heart will be filled and overflow in his grace and happiness.

My friend is having a baby here in the next couple of weeks. The baby is being put up for adoption. I will be at the hospital with her and will be taking pictures of her special day. I need to be strong and show her love and understanding, and strength. I don't know how I will do this, but I know I can.

There are a lot of other things I could write here, but I think this is already too much... I'm just in a place that I really do feel lost and I need to figure out what's next... I want my schedule back! I reached my first weight goal, but haven't been doing anything to get past that... and that disappoints me... so maybe starting April 1st I will jump back on my healthy eating bandwagon and get my exercise routine back in motion...

right now it's too easy to sleep...

so that's what I'm gonna go do...